Old Bulletins
Retired!
| Old bulletin board |
| Feb. 27th, 2018 |
COACH REX MISSING Missing for 12 hours without an update, DKOK fans knew something was wrong.
He was last seen defecating on a shrine to Nuffle in the early hours of the morning. The shrine was later found ablaze but Coach Rex's body was not recovered.
Is this the end of Waffl's greatest coach, philanthropist and all round good guy?
The search continues. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Feb. 23rd, 2018 |
WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT Reporting live from the training camp, Coach Rex is addressing the players about the upcoming match. The Tainted have made some startling accusations, some have rattled the players to the bone.
Now Coach Rex knows he has to perk them up and get them ready for a magnificent match.
"Good morning. In less than an four days, players from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the most vicious bloodbowl drive in this history of orckind.
Orckind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today.
We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.
We will be united in our common interests.
Perhaps its fate that the day is the 27th of February and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from annihilation.
We're fighting for our right to live, to exist.
And should we win the day, the 27th of February will no longer be known as an Orc holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:
"We will not go quietly into the night!
We will not vanish without a fight!
We're going to live on!
We're going to survive!
Today, we celebrate our Smash Ten Tainted Face Day!"
And it seems to have had the intended effect. Murder rates in DKOK camp have just quadrupled and a bit of cannibalism to boot. Hate to see what happens when they are playing the actual opposition.
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WAFFL COMMISSION STATEMENT
The WCL Commissioner Group would like to inform all fans and customers of WAFFL that DKOK have been officially sanctioned for distribution of FAKE NEWS! |
| - Brookesy |
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| Feb. 17th, 2018 |
Of Mice and Men Coach Rex exhaled a sigh of relief.
The final siren had sounded, and it had happened. It was a long time coming mind you but for some reason the last three matches had played on his mind. The usually docile WAFFL populace was well, less docile.
This was the first time on record Coach Rex had to execute three players on the pitch first half for disciplinary reasons (what do you mean the orange haired mistake for a halfling is punching you!).
Sherpa Sherpa had refused to die, although he also refused to do anything else after this point making Coach Rex wonder if he should put him down again. Maybe the next incarnation of him will have just a smudge of Coach Rex's own genius. Food for thought...
Still there could be no doubting it, no more slander from the Stinky Dwarf (a disreputable cretin anyway) and Nuffle to endorse their brazen abilities with a triple blessing of strength.
Finally DKOK had secured the longest winning streak of all time, this being the 75th successive victory in WAFFL and 12th title match. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Feb. 3rd, 2018 |
EAT THEM IN THREE'S A deluxe banquet was prepared on the pitch for Coach Rex. That there was a game being played was news to all. In fact, the very notion of picking up the ball was abhorrent to the Orcs as they tend limb from bloody limb.
"Let the frogs dance around" announced Coach Rex at half time. "Just make sure I have enough to cover breakfast lunch and dinner for the week."
And so they did. Casualties galore. There was a ball somewhere to be found but reality was it was a second priority, even the thrower gave up on it.
Now to wash it down with the main, roast Dwarf ! |
| - Brookesy |
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| Jan. 16th, 2018 |
GLORIOUS SUCCESS Yes it was good to be back thought Coach Rex.
Sure the result was what some called (and died for it) a bad loss, but they were of course mistaken.
Long term thinker and brainiac that he is, Rex had anticipated this and ensured that the team would get all the protein from mashed frog legs in round 2, the perfect thing to rejuvenate the senses. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Jan. 10th, 2018 |
FIRE and FURY Coach Rex has been seeing nothing but red lately.
Emerging from a drunken stupor induced since the win of DKOK in WCL season 1 (and to forget that other team... FFS...) he has since paraded the return of DKOK to the WCLVille only to find, lo and behold, that people did not fling themselves at his feet.
Nay, they even addressed DKOK as, can you believe it, 'Runner's Up'.
Despicable that the media and commission should support such corruption and tom-foolery, clearly the only way to proceed is to unleash FIRE and FURY on all opponents! |
| - Brookesy |
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| July 5th, 2017 |
DKOK WIN FINAL - SHUN THE NON BELIEVERS Coach Rex emerged from his drunken stupor of victory today to greet a mass of die hard fans. It seems that some non believers think that the Raiders actually won the grand final, that one of the Black Orcs actually perished in the game that ended without DKOK ever crossing the finish line, but the Great Overlord Rex Brookesy knows best.
"Fake news!" he preached next to a larger than life, ego sized statue of himself in full glory, "It's everywhere! You must be careful what you read, what you think, what you hear because it could all be fake too. The only way to be sure is to listen to my voice and my voice alone..."
Conspiracy theorists were quick to highlight flaws in this story, but they were drowned out by the roar of chainsaws and gnashing of fangs.
"Your champions however need time to recoup, to allow others to spread their wings under their keen guidance. So I give you DKOK fans your new favourite team: FFS... what are they called... Ah yes, Fingot's Fingerlicking Squibs!" |
| - Brookesy |
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| June 19th, 2017 |
Baffled Brookesy Reviews Raiders A sizeable crowd gathered around the media mogul as he explained his bewilderment that the Man-Terror Raiders were not only in the grand final but also favourites to boot.
"The Raiders themselves are flimsy. Too weak to knock down a grot. Look at em, all skin n bone! Not like da Orcs! Big meaty killing machines clad in armour from dead enemies. And people still think the Raiders will win?"
One reporter, braver than most, asked "But the Raiders have only conceded two touchdowns all season? None in the last 5 games."
"Won't mean a thing - you'll see. Stats, and records, none of it matters when it's time to kickoff. Besides, those teams weren't green skins" he closed.
Then at that a flick of a finger later and an assortment of squigs chased the reporters off the kliff. |
| - Brookesy |
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| June 4th, 2017 |
Lightening Fails to Strike Twice DKOK has, in a nail biting ram tossing head scratching match, managed to steal the game from the Lightening 3-2 TD.
The game was one of nerve for the orc coach. By turn 4 of the first half he was down 2 touchdowns and the Elven scoring machine was in full flight.
To say that there was one moment where the orcs came away with it would be a lie, there were ups, downs and spectacular plays galore.
Among them:
1) an intercept by black orc #4 and then successful completion to a blitzers to score a turn 8 touchdown in the first half for DKOK.
2) DKOK blitzing the Lightening only for the rookie thrower to stroll into 2 tackle zones, collect the ball and bomb it accurately.
3) Lightening players struggling with the heat all game, and in the final moments 2 catchers refusing to take to the pitch.
4) DKOK having more completions than the Lightening but for a small quick pass on turn 8 to hone some skills.
5) a mine set by nefarious Lightening players which badly hurt an Orc blitzer and secure the ball for the Lightening.
Now into the grand final, the question is who / what will DKOK have to beat next to become the champions of WCL 1? |
| - Brookesy |
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| June 1st, 2017 |
SEMI FINAL PREPARATIONS COMPLETE Team training has been intense this week. All day and all night Coach "Rex" has been forcing his players to watch back to back to back to back to back Rocky, Rocky 2, Rocky 3, Rocky 4, Rocky Balboa and Creed.
By the end of it, one of the players, Ready For Impact, retired. The sheer acting talent of The Italian Stallion too much for him to handle. The rest had no issue, and by the third viewing didn't even need subtitles to understand what was happening.
And the team improved for it. The tackles became more vicious and the fouling even worse. Aiming for joints was taught to the little squigs that had followed Sherpa Sherpa Snortrokk out of its cave.
The team was now ready to eat lightening and spit thunder. Which was good, because their next opponents were the only foe to blemish the record of DKOK...Those damn Lightening Elves. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Apr. 26th, 2017 |
Players Protest in Non-Violent Spectacle It was a pitiful display. All week DKOK players had been protesting about having to bash the cuddly looking Bloodclaw Ravens team and the on field protest showed it.
From 100+ blocks, the Orcs proceeded to gently caress and lay the little furry creatures on the floor with cotton pillows at the ready. One was accidentally knocked out in the process, but rest assured the other critters were unharmed.
And then Gnarly Feet finally caught wind that someone was about to get fired and stepped into gear, taking out the Minotaur "Manbur Thunderhoof."
The Minotaur then, having been magic sponged back to his senses, threw himself into the ground and grovelled before the Orc who had so cruelly beaten him in a triple skull performance.
Needless to say, DKOK took the win but there will be serious re-training before the next match. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Apr. 13th, 2017 |
Stunned Arseholes Take DKOK In a prophet like display of coaching cunning, Rex predicted a tight victory over Armadale's Arseholes. Indeed, had it not been for DKOKs willingness to stun instead of beat face, the prediction may have been exactly on point.
However I doubt even Coach Rex Brookesy could have predicted the severe ego trip suffered by one of the Arseholes. So magnificent was the ego that he felt the need to cause two turnovers on his own in consecutive turns.
Now DKOK turn to their last opponent of the season, a chaos team featuring the dreaded claw... |
| - Brookesy |
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| Apr. 1st, 2017 |
CUTTING AWAY THE WEAK The players union is questioning why, in a game where three serious injuries were inflicted, that no apothecary intervention was sought.
Coach Brookesy issued the following statement:
"The player or players injure or injured in the match or matches were inexperienced or rookies or WEAK AND USELESS VERMIN IN NEED OF A GOOD THRASHING... Less than 2 star player points between them *bah* and I was saving it for the REAL DKOK members."
The press seemed satisfied with this response and scurried away.
Outside of this, DKOK management was happy to note that a large DKOK crowd could be seen in the stands, increasing from the historical 2,000 - 3,000 to approximately 7,000. As always, they were outnumbered at least two to one but well, any more and there would be blood on and off the pitch. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Mar. 25th, 2017 |
End of the Blacktongue Raiders? Hmmm... A chill ran down the spine of Coach "Rex" (as he has been dubbed by the Stinky Dwarf, no doubt for his likeness to a great and fearsome apex predatory creature of the past) Brookesy, and it wasn't the sub zero wind on the icy mountain top that did it.
He pondered...
"If big things stomp little things...
And all Orcs are, well bout the same size, biggerish...
Who gets stomped?"
A disturbing realisation to say the least. But Brookesy wasted no time. He knew DKOK needed to be bigger than ever before. So he climbed the highest peak of the great Mount Orkerest and he found something.
It was spiky. It was mean. It tried to eat his left arm thrice before a thump to the head sorted it out.
And when Brookesy left, it followed... Brookesy grinned. Puzzle solved, philosphical dilemma done. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Feb. 22nd, 2017 |
BIG IS BEST! #1 TEAM VALUE The redskin Orcs have progressed to being the highest rated team in the league, weighing in at a hefty 1,320k gold.
Somehow they are being pipped in the rankings by Elves, but we're sure that natural order will sort itself out soon enough.
And speaking of natural order, it's almost time to go show those other grrenies the what's what side of a block. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Feb. 12th, 2017 |
DKOK > BTTB/BBC Well, it seems that Coach Brookesy's ability to give directions were as poor as those that were given to the loyal fans of DKOK. Only a measley 2,000 Orcs came to watch the spectacle that was compared to the Vampires 11,000.
And the match was a slow grinder of a game. No touchdowns in the first half. In the second half, the Orcs broke the spell with 2 touchdowns.
Then the crank turned. Poor thralls. The Orcs did as much damage there as the Vampires did. Four thralls bit the dust while another dozen seemingly cycled through the KO bins.
As the dust settled, the Orcs emerged bigger and uglier than ever before. Four players had a cunning glint in their eye... |
| - Brookesy |
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| Jan. 31st, 2017 |
Blindsided! Brookesy Bewildered! Jumping here, there and everywhere, DKOK was left flagging in the field today.
A severe change in tactics was called for after the first half where the lightening Elves, aptly named, scored again and again.
Then unfortunately for the Orcs, Coach Brookesy's change in tactics came too late and too cautiously. While the bleeding was stemmed to a mere 1 toucdown against in the second half, the Orcs them selves were unable to equalise, or even score for that matter.
On a more vengeful note, one of the Elves bit the dust tonight, perishing on the claws of the formidable Black Orc frontline. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Jan. 15th, 2017 |
DKOK Victory - Skinning a Dragon "Grip is Good" said Grip is Good (GiG).
Truly, stirring stuff from this weeks MVP. His right hand, now a mechanical claw, proved to be the difference in the match.
It was the last turn of the first half. The Orcs had only scored once and the Elves were one up in casualties. Coach Brookesy could be seen glaring at his team on the sidelines.
GiG knew it was time...
Elven Blitzer Eladual, with three assists, danced nimbly towards GiG and moved for the double pirouette spinning twirl of destiny blitz. GiG knew it was coming. He specialised in the double pirouette spinning twirl of destiny blitz in his younger days.
As Eladual leaped, GiG acted. Grabbing the Elf in mid air, Eladual was torn from the sky and smashed into the ground again and again. The stadium, mostly Elven suporters, fell into silence.
The tode turned, and the Orcs proceeded to storm and stomp like never before. Piling on a further two touchdowns and extra casualty, it was terrible. The sound of breaking bones was all that could be heard in the shocked stadium.
GiG grinned... Evidently the strain on the Orcs body had changed something. He stood taller than before, and fresh slabs of muscle could be seen bulging through his armour post game. |
| - Brookesy |
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| Jan. 4th, 2017 |
TACTICS? COACH BROOKESY TELLS ALL In an exclusive interview, Coach Brookesy reveals all of his tactics.
"You see, Bloodbowl is one of those vicious games. More vicious than most. And when it comes down to it, the ball is a secondary concern, a distraction used to distinguish n00b coaches from the rest, being myself.
You see, the ball is run across the field to score. Now people think that you need the ball to do this. They would be wrong. You need players. Players that have legs intact, skulls unsmashed and a willingness to run into four 600 pound Black Orcs encased in armour.
Now I've seen the opposition. Elves, then... More Elves... Amazons... Beastmen... No one apart from my fellow Greenies smart enough to wear armour.
I've given the order. This season will be bloody." |
| - Brookesy |
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| Dec. 3rd, 2016 |
RETURN OF COACH BROOKESY Emerging from the wasteland of full time employment, ye Coach Brookesy has voiced his displeasure at the state of his former team, the 311 Spartans.
"They've gone soft and yellow!" he said. How else could one explain the entire team being killed in off field antics with a million Persions. "Truly! I trained them better than that. Fat from success..."
About his new recruits, Coach Brookesy was unsually tight lipped. "Yer well, they got spirit... And um.... No further questions..." |
| - Brookesy |
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Da Klan of Kliffhangahz
| Race: |
Orc |
| Coach: |
Brookesy |
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